A bit of a wedding backlog

When we first arrived in Karachi, everyone (ourselves included) was pumped to tackle two weeks of weddings. We quickly learned that the excitement starts to peter out after a few days of back-to-back events. It's common here to invite a very extended group to such functions -- including in-laws, near and far family friends, colleagues, etc. -- so lots of folks have multiple stops on the docket in a given night. In fact, Cousins Saira and Farrah were relating stories about their own weddings, which I attended as a young'un, and one of them had 250 unforseen guests show up at the last minute (=1,000 guests, total)! I take back everything I said about Nick and I having a big 'do last summer...160 is peanuts.

Anyway, it's hard to keep your enthusiasm up when you've got so many late-night events to attend, and as a result I missed out on Cousin Samia's shaadi (I think this is the word), or reception. (To be fair, I bowed out for a few reasons, one of which was an upset tummy. I'll leave it at that.) As in a Hindu wedding, one of the main events of the reception was the theft of the groom's shoes by the bride's relatives. The groom then has to negotiate a price to pay for retrieval of his footwear, ostensibly to reward the bride's family for the work they put into their event.

So OK, I missed the shaadi. But one thing I was very much present for, along with Cousin Alishba's family, was the exchange of gifts between the bride's side and groom's side. (Please don't accuse me of being a blog-slacker, but the name of this particular tradition is escaping me at the moment.) On the first night, we [bride's relatives, including my hubs] took baskets of gifts for relatives of the groom over to the family home. These ranged from Coach products to the outfit the groom would wear on the day of the nikkah. After delivering the gifts, we stayed and visited with Abbas' relatives, giving everyone the opportunity to get to know each other.

On the second night, the groom's family reciprocated by stopping by for chai, snacks, and to drop off (among other things) Alishba's nikkah outfit. (Attention married American ladies: can you imagine trusting the selection of your wedding gown to someone else? Eeek!)

The gifts arrived wrapped in brightly-colored tissue paper:


















We unpacked everything once Abbas' family departed. Here are Alishba's nikkah clothes and jewels -- oh, the jewels:













I particularly like this tradition (even though I can't remember what it's called) because among other things it gives the families a chance to get to know each other better. Family is just HUGE here, and this only reinforces that notion.

And, drawing a parallel for a moment, my in-laws are best friends with my sister-in-law's parents. Although I don't think formal exchanges like these were involved before Leigh and Greg's wedding, it all goes back to the same point.

Not so much a white Christmas as a brown one

It's actually already the morning of the 26th here, but we had a great (albiet nontraditional) Christmas. We were treated to a huge lunch complete with turkey and cranberry sauce at the Boat Club, which is a members-only place here in Karachi. My Dad, Rabia, Malika, Mohammed, my sister, Nick and I were joined by some of my favorite people: my cousin Alishba and her family, along with the Hameeds. (Hameeds:Niazis::Solomons:Pittses)

My Dad has known Pervaiz Hameed since [seemingly] the dawn of time, and he and his amazing wife, Aneesa, have two married daughters (and now, two grandchildren!). Jalayne and I pretty much grew up bouncing around with the girls at all times, and their family has now bloomed into this crazy international mishmosh of characters. The parents split their time between London and Karachi; Sadia, their youngest, has settled in D.C. with her Iranian husband; and Gheela, their eldest, is married to a Brit and lives most of the year in Christchurch, New Zealand, with side jaunts to Africa to support Richard's work as a cultural anthropologist. Crazy, I tell you!

So anyway, a very nontraditional Christmas for the Pitts family, but a day spent with loved ones regardless. Merry Christmas, all.

U Can't Touch This

After topping Alishba's nikkah off with a six-hour snooze, Nick got his first taste of a Pakistani mehndi. This is a racous, celebratory event that, so far, has borne the most conceptual resemblance to an American wedding (music, food, dancing). The rest of it blows our weddings right out of the water.


As with their nikkah, Samia and Jawad's mehndi was held at Samia's parents' home. We walked in the front gate and were totally blown away by the setup: a huge purple velvet tent with Chinese lanterns and lush seating arrangements taking up their entire yard. [Nick says: Brendan, Bill, Damian and I could have knocked it out, GR-style, in two days -- but it would not have been fun.]
































The lamp? Made of fresh flowers. And there were easily a dozen inside the tent. MADNESS!



Before the mehndi (usually the preceeding day), the bride, her friends and female relatives will have henna applied to their hands and feet. Here's a shot of Samia. This work took five hours, and is done entirely freestyle without templates or guides. [Nick to Brendan: Could you have done this?]

After dinner, the center of the tent is cleared and everyone sits down for the main draw of the night: a good old-fashioned Justin Timberlake-style danceoff between the bride's side and the groom's side. The groups will hold dance practice for roughly a month, and although we saw the groom get dragged out onto the floor a few times, it's all for the newlyweds' entertainment.

After about an hour of choreographed dancing (note to self: bring the video camera next time!), the entire gang got in on the fun. We recognized lots of Desi remixes of American songs, including Pretty Woman and My Love.


And of course, the requisite family photos -- since we all underwent costume changes!








L-R: Nick, cousin Farrah, niece/2nd cousin Raiza, cousin Saira, half-sister Malika and stepmom Rabia.

Another version of the nikkah

It's 2:45 a.m. local time as I write this -- thanks to a six-hour "nap" this afternoon (I feel weird calling it that; as you can tell, we're not doing a very good job of fighting jet lag), Nick and I are wide awake and waiting up for my sister to arrive.

Although we managed to squeeze in a few zzz's, we had a jam-packed day of wedding events for two relatives: Samia (whose nikkah you saw in a previous post) and Alishba (whom many of you met at our wedding). We'll start with Alishba, since her event was first in the day.

Alishba is an American citizen, lives in New York and works at Bank of America. Because it takes a lot of planning to secure a US visa, she and her fiance, Abbas (who is not a citizen), planned their wedding functions to take place in two stages: their nikkah was today, which means they are now legally married and can get his paperwork rolling back home. The remainder of their events will take place in the summer of '09.

Alishba's nikkah differed from Samia's in venue (this one was held at a local hotel), timing (brunch), and some of the ceremony elements (many of the declarations were made in public, vs. Samia's which were in separate spaces). The event was held at the Carleton, and the view from the event room was pretty spectacular:



















The bride's family arrived first, and formed a receiving line to greet the groom's side. Without taking anyone's eye out, we threw flower petals in welcome -- and Abbas and his parents received huge flower garlands as a sign of honor. All of this was a little more formal than the nikkah we attended earlier in the week.

While the groom's side of the ceremony took place, Alishba was hidden away in one of the hotel's guest rooms. Walking in and seeing my baby cousin (because we grew up together, this is totally how I think of her -- even though she's a grown woman) almost brought me to tears. She looked GORGEOUS.















While I was upstairs with the bride and her relatives, Nick witnessed Abbas' vows with most of the guests. The prayers were sung in Arabic, and although he couldn't understand a word he found the ceremony incredibly moving.



Being a modern woman, Alishba had to check email one last time after saying her vows and heading into the main room. Bride loves her BlackBerry.








Alishba was escorted into the nikkah by a handful of relatives, including me and Nick. You'll see us towards the back, helping to hold up a dupatta owned by her great-great-great grandmother (!!!). It's over 200 years old, embroidered in solid gold thread, and is in impeccable condition. (Note: the guy in the photo next to Alishba, sporting the huge 'fro? That's my cousin Eman, her little brother. The last time I saw him, he was a mere seven years old, and now he's just come off his first semester at UVA. Insane!) We hold the dupatta over the bride's head to signify support from her family when entering the marriage. Since we can't all hang onto her arm, this is the next best thing.


The rest of the morning was full of family photos, gupshup (talking or gossip) and, of course, more food. Check out the outfits!

You'd know that couple anywhere, right? In the group shot, from left to right, are: my cousin Saira, me, my cousin Farrah, Saira's daughter Raiza, Alishba's mom Rubaba, and Rubaba's sister-in-law (whose name is totally escaping me at the moment, but her husband and Nick have become total BFFs on this trip).



It's all relative: Nick, me, my grandma and my aunt, Koko (dad's sister and Saira and Farrah's mom).

Wikipedia: Pakistani wedding

It's official: Pakistani weddings offer way better photo ops than American ones. I think this is because it's just so damn unique for Nick and I, but for now I'm going to try to show you rather than tell you what I mean.

Nick & my pops out in front of the house, pre-festivities.

Yesterday was my cousin Samia's nikkah. (For all of you Pittses in the audience, Samia is to me as Andy, Rob and Mike are to Nick: her dad and my dad are cousins.) Muslim weddings are rarely one-day affairs; instead, they're made up of a series of events that can be spread over a week or even a month. The night before the nikkah, Samia's family had hosted another function (the name of which escapes me at the moment) that was essentially an open house for the bride's side of the family to come over, mix and mingle (and, of course, eat food!).

The event was hosted at Samia's parents' home, which is built around an open courtyard. This is great, except for when it rains on your daughter's wedding day.

Their home also has a gorgeous walled-in yard. The compound was designed to mimic Samia's great-grandmother's family house.

The nikkah is where the marriage contract is signed between the bride and groom, and is the most serious of the wedding events. It's hosted by the bride's family, and the entire groom's side arrives together. All of us -- Nick and I included! -- were part of the receiving line that welcomed the groom, his family and friends. The couple then goes to separate rooms, and the religious clergy asks each of them "Do you take this person?" three times (and they have to say "yes" three times) before they are revealed to one another. Men witness the groom's responses, and women witness those of the bride.





Can I get a witness? (Groom's edition.)

The bride is presented by her entire family, after which more blessings and rituals take place and then -- ta da!! -- they're married! Below, you can see Samia, the bride, in red. Her mother is in navy on her left and her sister Maryam is in white, on the right. Akram, Samia's dad, is next to Maryam and the two youngest siblings, their brothers, flank the outside.

At this point the bride and groom proceed to take 645 bajillion group photos with different sets of relatives (Mom's cousins, Dad's siblings and their kids, all the elders of the family, etc.). Samia is always hilarious, and by the end of the night she had me and Alishba in hysterics because she was so fed up with all of the picture-taking (sound familiar, brides?). Check out the guests' outfits!

Our camera isn't the greatest, but hopefully you can get a feel for Samia's incredibly gorgeous bridal attire -- which, as much as I loved my own wedding dress, totally put it to shame.

Fun fact: the bride can re-wear her outfit to any formal affair anytime she wants. So much for preserving it in a box for her daughter to play with! And, a word on dressing up. The basic Pakistani outfit is known as a shalwar kameez -- a long tunic top and flowy pants. It's the same for men and women (different fabrics and cuts, of course) and can be as dressy or as casual as you like. Women also wear a dupatta, which is a long scarf that can be tossed over your shoulders, around your head, or worn as a shawl. I can personally vouch for the total and utter comfort of a shalwar -- literally, it's like wearing your jammies out to a fancy dinner. I have two words for you people: elastic waist. Americans need to get on this wagon, pronto.