Keeping it in the family

Even moreso that treating visitors like royalty, Pakistani culture places a tremendous value on family. This is probably due in larger part to the influence of Islam than it is to the values of this country, but many of those elements (although not all!) are interchangeable.

We've been innundated with family-centric thinking in our week here. My father's younger brother, Aamir (father of Alishba, whom many of you know) built a home about five years ago. Houses in Pakistan sit inside huge walls with gated driveways that keep their inhabitants protected. Inside Aamir's wall are actually two homes, built side-by-side and in the same style. His wife's parents live in the home on the right, inhabiting only the downstairs portion -- the second level is unfinished, as they don't need the space. (They may take care of that one day, either when selling the house or when they decide to perhaps rent out the upstairs.) Rubaba Chachee's ("Rubaba Aunt" -- Aamir's wife) parents are joined in their home by an aunt -- her dad's brother. So they all live peacefully in house #1, just ten steps from Aamir's family. House #2, at first glance, is fairly empty -- Aamir and Rubaba's three kids have all fled the nest for college or work in the U.S. But they're still home during holidays, and my grandmother (Aamir and my dad's mom) lives in House #2 with her son and daughter-in-law.

My own father is about to move to a new home in (I believe) late January of '09. When he does this, his 92-year-old Mahmoo ("Uncle" -- his mother's brother) will be taking up residence in their new house. Mahmoo, my dad's two children, my father and his wife will also be joined by Mahmoo's daughter, La Sania, who is unable to live independently. Even when my dad's family moves to bigger digs, this will still mean a very full house for them -- but this is simply what you do, full stop. Retirement facilities are not prevalent here, and are mostly reserved for those without families who can or will do the work.

Caring for the elderly is, no doubt, going to become a huge issue in the next twenty-five years since so many people my age have moved abroad in search of better opportunities.

The focus on family in this culture isn't limited to the elderly, however. This culture is all about taking care of your relatives in every way: whether you're hosting a distant cousin from abroad, sending food over to someone who's ill, or collaborating with a loved one to help them solve a personal or business problem. It's all about who you know, who you're related to, and how you can make their lives better. Most of you remember how shocked I was the first time I met Nick's humongous clan, but the values we're seeing here -- caring for your relatives, solving problems together, supporting each other in times of need -- are exactly the same as the ones at work in Union Grove, WI, some eleventy billion miles away.